View Full Version : Solitude
Obliviou$
10-29-2005, 8:36 PM
Within these borders a mental game is played,
Where all is fought in black and white,
Our minds are forced to choose right from wrong,
But the lines are thin and the pits are deep.
Discover strenght in solitude, and you will overcome...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v415/AlexChristensen/Solitude.jpg
Poetry - working process, please help if you got something to contribute :)
paradise
10-30-2005, 12:48 AM
Alex, really nice. I saw the original version of the poem and the photo (different placement of the text) it looks MUCH better now, and the poem clicks better too. Talent, it's not learned, it's in your blood.
Actually saw the original earlier also, but when I tried to reply...the board kept on going down...
Anways, definitely another creative and artistic shot. The original was pretty good too and I actually preferred it. Also, I would crop it more heavily (too much dead space for my taste) and place it on the 1st 3rd, instead of the 2nd.
Obliviou$
10-30-2005, 5:53 AM
Ed: Thank you very much :) I got a lot of heave critique on FM about the copyright..hehe
Do: Thank you, I'm going to play around with the composistion, but I won't kill much dead space.. It does add to the whole Solitude concept imo.
I LOVE this image and the idea! Here's my take on the poem...hope you don't mind...eeps.
As far as the empty space,I personally wouldn't take anything more away from this pic.It speaks loud and very powerfully to solitude.Cropping,(IMO) would make this,just another photo.
Solitude
-----------
the mental games begin,
a rigid border set.
my mind, torn...
rights and wrongs
put me to the test.
shadowy lines,
should i cross?
one glance down...
i shiver...
that deep dark pit
waiting,just waiting
to swallow me up...
my eyes close tight,
a shallow breath...
my body trembles with
that first step...
the journey into strength
has begun...
Obliviou$
10-30-2005, 10:52 AM
Thanks for the feedback Carol. I'm happy you like it :)
And that's damn nice poetry..Wrote it yourself?
nice work Alex. very nice. love the lighting and comp.
Thanks for the feedback Carol. I'm happy you like it :)
And that's damn nice poetry..Wrote it yourself?
Thanks :) Yes,I took a few moments this morning looking at your image and your thoughts and wrote that.
It really is a powerful image.
JerseyJay
10-30-2005, 7:22 PM
Alex,
Amazing concept. You should consider Photography School !
As for as my humble critique, I have to agree with Eric. Too much dead space especially the bottom. Object looks like it is floating in the air. I wouldn't even apply Third Rules here but crop heavier on the bottom and a tiny bit on the left side. Try that approach and report back.
Obliviou$
10-30-2005, 7:27 PM
I really am you know..
I'll give the crop a go.
Thanks Jay :)